There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
