i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
