you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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