just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
