My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
