dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
