I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
