Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
