your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
