he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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