He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
