why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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