just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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