I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
