it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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