I wanna passion pit in your ass
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
