I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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