she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
