Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
