I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
