Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
