We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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