Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
