keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Are we still banned from the library?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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