Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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