yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
