I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
