If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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