Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
