You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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