Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
