So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
