dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
