you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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