Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
