he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
