A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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