VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
