last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
