The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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