I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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