Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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