I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
