I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
