i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
