My liver just broke up with me...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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