dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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