I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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