There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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