Screwed.edu
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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